Monday, December 18, 2006

Miss Understood

See this baby? So calm. Relaxed.

She just hangs out, watches her sister, drools on herself quietly.

I'm not sure who's baby went shopping with me this weekend.

I attempted to Christmas shop three times. And each time, within 10 minutes of arriving, that cute, adorable baby burst into blood-curdling screams. Turned red with anger at being there. Stiffened her legs in defiance. Tried sucking her thumb as if her life depended on it, only to have her thumb not cooperate and in turn causing more ear piercing unhappiness.

I learned a few things this weekend.

1) Do not ever assume that just because a mother has a 3 month old child with her that it is her only child. She may very well NOT be a new mother in desperate need of your unsolicited advice.

Example: A woman pointed out from across the aisle that my baby was upset. I ignored her. She came over to me so I wouldn't miss out on what she had to say and suggested that I feed my screaming banshee. I don't think I was very sweet in my reply that she isn't my first child and I know what is wrong with her.

2) Do not strike up a conversation about one of Oprah's shows with a mother holding an unhappy baby.

Example: A woman thought a recent episode on Oprah about secret baby languages was "funny" and did I watch it to know what my baby needed?

3) Store checkouts are magical. As soon as you get in line, your frantic infant will burst into smiles and cooing. All who are around her will think she's an angel from heaven and you will be showered with praise.

4) After a shopping experience, put your drama queen in her car seat and she'll give you a smile that says it all.

She won. Again.


RockerMom said...

People are too nosy in general when it comes to others' babies. They cry, you know? And if people assume it's your first baby that's even more you're less of a parent if you only have one (believe me, I am made to feel that way a lot because I do have an only). The next time someone idiotically tells you that your baby is crying (like you had no idea) I would say something like "Oh my gosh, thanks! I had no idea!" And walk away. Rude? Maybe...but they would deserve it!

Amanda said...

ah, biting the tongue. it starts way before they are born and lasts through adulthood i think.

did you try feeding her? maybe she was hungry!

Kelly said...

Lol! You're so brave. Emily was NEVER a pleasant shopping companion.I left her home with her Daddy while I shopped; much easier that way!

Kandace said...

That's hillarious. They are smarter than we think........

Girlie said...

So, did you see that show about Super Nanny? Noticed that I didn't mentioned Oprah here. LOL. j/k

She's lovely! Do you think it means she won't grow up to be shopping obsessed female?

T-girl said...

ROTFLMAO... if I had a penny for everytime someone gave me some "helpful" peice of advice I would be rich, bloody filthy stinking rich! We could all take our kids to the bahama's and hire a nanny so we could lay around all day rich!!! My favorite is when people meantion Oprah... when did Oprah become the guru on child/family/personal/everything issues? Was I out to lunch that day because I don't think I got that memo. Isn't she like childless, husbandless and well just everything-less? I don't know if I just radiate SAHM or what, and there fore I must be watching episodes by the dozens but I have that Oprah vibe myself so I hear you sister!

Oh and be nice to the old ladies- those are the only ones who don't bug me. I have found nine times out of ten when I stop and chat with them their families have forgotten them and they have a grandchild/great grandchild that they would love to see just one time. Isn't that sad? They are just getting their fill of your little one because no one will let them see thier own! ;)

T-girl said...

BTW- I forgot to meantion... she is REALLY cute!!! I could never get a good pic of Baby J at this age so I am supremely jealous! You know... if you put her on a couch, with a blanket just so... what? what did I say... come back! LOL

tallulah said...

What a darling daughter! Sorry your shopping experience was tested.
I never get advice from people anymore. They see our brood of children in the store and just shake their heads and turn away.