See this baby? So calm. Relaxed.
I'm not sure who's baby went shopping with me this weekend.
I attempted to Christmas shop three times. And each time, within 10 minutes of arriving, that cute, adorable baby burst into blood-curdling screams. Turned red with anger at being there. Stiffened her legs in defiance. Tried sucking her thumb as if her life depended on it, only to have her thumb not cooperate and in turn causing more ear piercing unhappiness.
I learned a few things this weekend.
1) Do not ever assume that just because a mother has a 3 month old child with her that it is her only child. She may very well NOT be a new mother in desperate need of your unsolicited advice.
Example: A woman pointed out from across the aisle that my baby was upset. I ignored her. She came over to me so I wouldn't miss out on what she had to say and suggested that I feed my screaming banshee. I don't think I was very sweet in my reply that she isn't my first child and I know what is wrong with her.
2) Do not strike up a conversation about one of Oprah's shows with a mother holding an unhappy baby.
Example: A woman thought a recent episode on Oprah about secret baby languages was "funny" and did I watch it to know what my baby needed?
3) Store checkouts are magical. As soon as you get in line, your frantic infant will burst into smiles and cooing. All who are around her will think she's an angel from heaven and you will be showered with praise.
4) After a shopping experience, put your drama queen in her car seat and she'll give you a smile that says it all.
She won. Again.