Friday, December 29, 2006

Peace On Earth

Peace has finally been restored in my home and I have gradually returned to half sane.

Entertainment News:

Ava laughed yesterday!

I was laughing and then she did which totally surprised her and she looked startled. So I fake laughed to see if she'd laugh again, that's when she just stared at me as if we'd just met.

On The Potty Front:

New pretty princess panties did nothing for Bella's interest in potty training. She put them on, then grabbed around, squinching her nose and asked, disgusted, "Is that my hiney?".

Needless to say, the pretty princess pull-ups made their way back on and the panties joined the Dora panties in the darkness of a drawer. Surely my child will start using the potty by jr. high. Right?


We've been trying to sell my MIL's house for months. Decided to actually put money into it now instead of half-assing it, because apparently people don't like that. What exactly is the difference between ceiling paint and wall? Is that a gimmick? Cuz we've totally bought into it.


Over Christmas, my husband campaigned hard for my brother to take our dog, Sophie. She's lovely, sweet, huge and too much dog for us. I guess since one dog died, we're evaluating our current pet population and trying to downsize. The cats will just eventually explode from over-eating. Ever see the pictures of what a healthy cat and an obese cat look like? Ours need lapbands. Zeus, the crippled weiner, requires a diaper. He just walks around, pooping without knowing, then looks back in surprise at the stinky pile he'd dropped off.

I'd always heard I'd love my animals until I had children. I still love my animals but I'd love them more if someone else would love them at THEIR house.


So much to say but I don't discuss politics. Or religion. Unless it is on someone else's blog.

Hope you all have a fantastic Friday! Any New Year's plans? Any resolutions that you may actually stick to?

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Happy Hollerdays!

Oh. Wow.

Why didn't anyone stop me? Where was the motherly advice slash warning?

I took a 2 1/2 yr old and a 2 1/2 month old on a five day travel nightmare. WHY?!

Because it was Christmas. Because some family had yet to meet Ava. Because there was food someone else prepared. Because it was supposed to relax me for others to look after my children!

So much for that.

Instead, my oldest had meltdown after meltdown. Her grandparents bought a new two-story, beautiful home. Did Bella care? No. It was NOT the same house she's known all her life. Grandma's hobby room was gone. The sunroom...gone. All the knooks and cranies Bella had become accustomed to were gone. Why was everyone so dang excited about this new building she knew nothing about??

Then her cousin. Dear sweet Dillon now WALKS and nobody asked Bella's permission! Because he walks, he can swipe toys from her just as easily as she can swipe from him. No fair!

And my precious Ava.

If no one sees me in public for the next three months, it is because of her.

I apparently cursed myself by labeling Ava early on as my laid-back, gentle soul. Naw. She was just gearing up for Christmas! She is just as sensitive to over-stimulation as Bella was, but more VOCAL. For five days.

And since we did not have enough fun with that, we decided to squeeze in day six of Christmas last night. I had to eat in the kitchen with the children because Ava wouldn't stop yelling. One of my husband's lovely aunts drove over an hour just to see our little angel. I do not expect she'll be driving an hour anymore for the same.

If one more person tells me to give Ava cereal to shut her up, I will scream silently.

OH! And add nearly five days of no pooping on Ava's hit-list. You can add the "s" if you like. So we had that going for us...which is nice.

I'm tired, cranky and stinky. So I'm going to put my children down for a nap, leap into the shower and back out, then enjoy the silence. Or just read your blog.

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Mewy Chrisamis

Poor Bella. She just got the hang of "Happy Halloween" and now she's gotta learn not only "Happy Holidays" but "Merry Christmas" too! Tough life. I tried to teach her "Santa's Coming to Town" and it ended up:

Beer wash out
Beer naw kwy
Sanna Caws is a le-el lamb
le-el lamb, le-el lamb
His fees is why is snoooow.

And then she bows deeply, saying "Thaaaaaaaaaank you, thaaaaaaaaaank you"

I kid you not.

We wish you all a wonderful Christmas full of joy, good food and happy memories. After the holidays, be sure to share your stories because we'll certainly share ours! :)

Monday, December 18, 2006

Miss Understood

See this baby? So calm. Relaxed.

She just hangs out, watches her sister, drools on herself quietly.

I'm not sure who's baby went shopping with me this weekend.

I attempted to Christmas shop three times. And each time, within 10 minutes of arriving, that cute, adorable baby burst into blood-curdling screams. Turned red with anger at being there. Stiffened her legs in defiance. Tried sucking her thumb as if her life depended on it, only to have her thumb not cooperate and in turn causing more ear piercing unhappiness.

I learned a few things this weekend.

1) Do not ever assume that just because a mother has a 3 month old child with her that it is her only child. She may very well NOT be a new mother in desperate need of your unsolicited advice.

Example: A woman pointed out from across the aisle that my baby was upset. I ignored her. She came over to me so I wouldn't miss out on what she had to say and suggested that I feed my screaming banshee. I don't think I was very sweet in my reply that she isn't my first child and I know what is wrong with her.

2) Do not strike up a conversation about one of Oprah's shows with a mother holding an unhappy baby.

Example: A woman thought a recent episode on Oprah about secret baby languages was "funny" and did I watch it to know what my baby needed?

3) Store checkouts are magical. As soon as you get in line, your frantic infant will burst into smiles and cooing. All who are around her will think she's an angel from heaven and you will be showered with praise.

4) After a shopping experience, put your drama queen in her car seat and she'll give you a smile that says it all.

She won. Again.

Sunday, December 17, 2006

'Tis The Season

Nothing quite like children to really bring forth the spirit of the holidays.

Friday we picked up my husband from his office to go Christmas shop and see Santa. Isabella had never seen Santa in person and I'm not the type to force something on her like have her sit on some furry man's lap if she's not all for it. We decided to go see Santa's story time so she could take a gander at him.

Bella was very excited when a tall, rolly-polly man with white hair and beard (Amanda says natural Santa beards look peed on...'tis true) came onto the little stage ringing sleigh bells. But as the story began, she became far more interested in the shiny, slick floor. She began to body mop, sliding here and there and into everyone within reach. Fortunately, she's cute.

(Yes, that is my child sprawled out)

Twenty long minutes later, Santa wrapped it up *snort* and we asked Bella what she thought of him. After tapping the side of her mouth with her finger while in thought, she decided she likes him. We took her to where he was taking pictures and let her watch other kids get their pics. She got excited at the idea and we picked a number (great idea, mall people) for our turn.

A grandmother was taking pictures of her 7 grandkids and it was humorous to watch her corral them. She finally got them all lined up and ready to click, then who appears at the end of the line, poised and ready? My daughter. As I coaxed her away, she had big tears rolling down her cheeks as she tried to explain that she was just trying to help!

She did very well with Santa who was sweet and kind to her. He held her tiny hand in his wrinkly old one and spoke quietly to her. She smiled on cue for the camera and her eyes lit up when Santa asked if she'd like toys for Christmas. It was a very sweet moment and I'm glad they let us use our own cameras. She had a difficult time saying goodbye to her new friend, but got over it once she found the tree-shaped sucker in the goody bag from Santa's elf.

Bella was completely exhausted at the end of our little adventure. She'd given money to the Salvation Army, she'd watched the quartet play "Jingle Bells", she shared a cup of hot cocoa with her mama and talked endlessly about Santa Clause.

I used to think it was a silly tradition we Americans have, the commercialism of Santa and all..but after this weekend, I see how sweet and uplifting it can be.

Friday, December 15, 2006

I Must've Been Tired

While changing a diaper, I was about to say the usual "Hiney up!" so I could get a little help with the up-and-over when I looked down and saw that I was putting a huge pull-up diaper on my 2 1/2 month old.

Gonna be a looong day.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Dirty Tricks

Have you noticed that if you've not switched to Blogger Beta, then you cannot post other than Anonymous?

So, what started off as a nice enough invitation to experience the new Blogger Beta is now a do or don't post.

Forcing the hand, don't ya think?

Sunday, December 10, 2006

My Name Is... My Name Is...

This weekend I got to hang out with some adults. It was great! Except I realized that I have no social skills anymore.

I'm lucky to get it out that my name is Jennifer without stumbling over my words. What's up with that? Is it because I've spent the last year using one to four word sentences, repeatedly?

It was my husband's office party. At the millionaire boss's house. And then that millionaire's zillionaire boss came by. I had NO IDEA who the man was. All I know is that people whispered "Mr. McIntyre is here!" and I thought, wow, he must be well-liked. Then this short man with bad teeth and a very expensive suit came to greet us, pretty much asking who the hell my husband is.

They've actually met once before, about two weeks after my husband started with the company, which was Sept 05. He asked my husband at that time how much he'd sold, my husband laughed and said "nothing yet!" and the zillionaire walked away. Well, my husband has had a great '06 and once he realized it, Mr. M was all friendly, smiley and hand-shakey. His little wife with big Dallas hair was just as pleased as punch to meet us. She was very sweet and kept talking to us long after Mr. M dismissed us from his presence.

So the whole night, if anyone even mentioned my children, they got stuck with toddler and infant stories. The whole time I'm going on about Ava's coos and Bella's adventures as a Wonder Pet, my inner voice is screaming at me to shut up. But my inner mother apparently just put it in time-out cuz I kept blabbing on.

This weekend is a smaller office party, without anyone who has money worth mentioning. I'm trying to learn how to better conduct myself. Any suggestions?


How do you walk away from a conversation that's dwindled to both people quietly seeking an exit from it?

How do you keep from glazing over when they're all discussing the big client they just bagged?

Where do you put your used plate? Do you put the fork on it? Do you hang on to your drink glass or can I permanent marker my name on it?


Friday, December 08, 2006

Gimme A Break!

This past week has been busy busy. I don't know why I get so excited about the holidays because all it does is stress me out. I've yet to go Christmas shopping. Isn't that pitiful?

Well, that's not exactly true...I did buy Bella's gifts online and they are sitting in huge boxes in the foyer. That's the extent of the shopping though and I've got quite a long list to check off! Like everyone's really been that nice this year. Pshaw.

Bella and her BFF Mitchell decorated cookies this week. That was interesting. Mitchell overloaded everything with sprinkles and I had a hard time convincing Bella to put icing on the cookie and not just in her mouth. Lucky family members will be receiving some lovely creations in their stockings.

Then we attempted Christmas pictures. With one kid, you can take about 75 pictures and maybe get one or two good ones. With two kids? Fuggitaboutit.

As much fun as this is, can I go watch Little Bear now?

Is is possible to give a sweet choke hold?

Seriously, Mom, I am so over the picture taking.

It looks like I'll be using a great picture Amanda took of the girls several weeks back. I was getting far too worked up over a Christmas picture to send out in cards. Does anyone really care if they are perfectly posed? Nah.

Then there is Ava's obsession. The moment she's awake, she has an ongoing fight with her thumb. Ava has refused any pacifier since birth. Hates them. Throws a fit like you wouldn't believe a 2 month old could be capable of.

Instead, since day one of owning a thumb, she's tried to suck it. She's even trying to suck it in the sonogram picture. I tried to discourage it up until three days ago. Now I'm propping up her arm, spreading her fingers out to help her get the Hook'm Nose and cheering her on when she FINALLY gets it going for two minutes.

She'll suck long enough to fall asleep, then smack on it so loud that she startles herself awake, yelling and turning blood red with anger and frustration. My darling angel has a temper. Yay.

How has your week been?

Friday, December 01, 2006

For Half Their Life Already...

This is Bella and her best friend, Mitchell, at the zoo in October '05.
This is Bella and Mitchell, October of this year.
Who needs a zoo for entertainment now?
There are two monkeys right in my own home!