I realized today that I am NOT perfect.
Okay, I realized it about a week ago. See? Imperfect.
I think I'm pretty much all that with the self-esteem, happy-go-lucky, life is what you make it, guns don't kill people, people kill people. Oh, wait...
Today it dawned on me that I don't like sharing people I care about.
We went to yet another birthday party for Isabella's friends. Only this time, it was for her BFF, Mitchell. His mom and I are good friends. We talk nearly every other day and see each other on school days. She's funny, relaxed, smart and we could blab endlessly.
However, when we are around her other friends, I clam up. I have nothing brilliant or even half-coherent to say. I feel awkward and ridiculous. I just converse with all the humans under 4 feet tall and hope adult whats-her-name-in-blue won't make eye contact.
It has been this way with any friend I've ever had. Yay fun when just us. Boo-hiss when someone else shows up. Very mature, I know.
I also don't like sharing my sister. She is my BFF. But when I am around her friends, the same tardness comes over me. Words don't even form in my mind to say to those friends. All of whom are very nice and funny! I just stare at inanimate objects and laugh way too loud at what everyone else says.
My husband says I don't like to share him either. But that's not it. I like hanging out with him and his friends. It is relaxed and we always have fun. However, throw in a new (and always temporary) girlfriend of theirs, then I am obligated to be Provider of Small Talk with her and it throws me off completely. Bartender!
I guess I'm still insecure around women I don't know well. I am trying so hard to overcome this because it is very frustrating! I've struggled with group bashfulness all of my life. I'm 35 friggin years old though! Why can't I hang out with a clan of mothers or non-breeders and be as cool n' witty as I know that I am (and MODEST, mind you).
Being a grownup is hard.